When your dreams come true

 I can see a pattern right in front of my mind’s eye, that of eternal suffering. We humans crave, cry, bang our heads, plead to God for our dreams to come true, for our wishes to be made real, as if there was nothing more that could mean the world to us. God sees us in pain, more pain and when the going gets too tough, sometimes, he says “Wish granted!”  

The wish comes by, elates us for a few seconds, minutes, days, perhaps a few months, after which like any other thing, becomes ordinary and boring. It loses its charm because we have it now. Isn’t it? 

For a moment, observe all the things, situations you wanted to be in, people you wanted to be a part of your life badly. Reflect on what you went through to plead to God to have them and later ending up with your wish granted. What happened next? Are you still ‘greatful’ for that? Or it has lost its shine and lustre? 

The truth is, it is still the same, but your feelings toward it or the way you look at it or the person now has changed. I often go back to my words which I had written years ago, when I was in pain, wanting someone so bad in my life. These words are my sounding board, they help me to be grounded. They help me to be grateful for what I have now. It is not that I’m not greatful, on the contrary I feel blessed everyday for what I have. Yet, life and our way of living a ‘doing’ life often rips us from the very blessings that stands in front of us. 

In a world where we are living today, it is , indeed saddening that people have forgotten the difference between people and things. Today, things are treated more precious than people and people are thrown around like used objects, waiting to be picked by someone who will use them far better than they did. Even writing these words makes me cringe. 

The essence which I wish to convey is : People whose dreams, they wished for, turn into reality are indeed the lucky ones in the lot, those who wish and keep seeking, would rather be in the shoes of the lucky ones than anywhere else. Cherish what you so dearly asked for, love it the way you promised to God, when you wept those heavy salty tears. Hold your dream close to you, nurture it, with all the promises you made to God. This life is one, go beyond your fears and roar like a lion protecting his cubs ( dreams). 

Love

Aakriti

7 June 2017

From the Teach( er) ing diaries

What students can make you do even by not saying anything …

It’s interesting how I’m realizing the storehouse of knowledge and information I have as a lecturer. You know what leads to this realization? The simple fact that I’m around students, knowledge, love, kindness and opportunities. Being surrounded by such beautiful things and people, definitely, brings out the best in me. 

I see sparks plays in the background, a soft hum that is literal and melodious. The kids and their souls are beautiful. Just yesterday, as I enquired from a student of mine, as to why he got up at 3 am, to cook noodles for our class potluck, he gave away, ever so spontaneously, that he had to cook biryani for his girlfriend’s potluck and then he blushed and felt shy! The expression was so adorable! What a wonderful boyfriend, isn’t he? 

Then I teased this one lovely student of mine, who looks at me with hearts in her eyes. “Madam, I wanted to ask you something!” she uttered in the class. Off I went mimicking her and she laughed, giggled at the same time, being unable to ask me in the same tone. She even asked me one day, when I would be going back to India, so she could follow me. It took me a while to digest the fact that she really wanted to ‘follow’ me!

The kind of love that students can offer, I’m learning, is perhaps all that is a reflection of the love and care that we teachers have for them. It’s not the first time for me, to form a bond with students, that is so strong, in a span of two or three months. To my surprise, everywhere I go, or have been, as a guest lecturer in the past, students, inevitably end up falling in love with me. As I write this, it is more of a self- observation than a narcissistic disclosure.

The other day, as I sat in the auditorium judging a research symposium, a part of me looked at myself in awe, for, there I was pointing aspects which students missed in their research, left, right and centre. The neuron in my brain fired to the extent, that I ended up intimidating the students who were presenting . Then came the compassionate and the kind voice within me, which spoke on the mike, letting them know, that there courageous enough to present and the symposium is an opportunity for them to learn and grow, than to be scared about. It definitely calmed them.

A friend of mine, to the left, asked me if I had supervised any of the students. I, very cooly answered “ I haven’t”. Just then, my Deputy Dean, whom I was assisting, for the event, answered “ But you will!” . That led to a gulp down the throat. Thoughts such as “How can I supervise a student for RESEARCH? I’m so bad at statistics!”, “Seriously, me supervise, a student? Just yesterday I was at JMC, being supervised, when did I grow so much to supervise others?” 

Today, as I write these words down, a little smile, comes by, it’s a circle of life, after all, all comes back. My heart may feel young, I myself just feel like a college student around these kids ( they are all in their 20’s, but I end up calling them kids, don’t know why) yet the experience has definitely matured the wine in me! 

That’s all folks from the diary today! 

Love

Aakriti

Some day

One day, whenever that comes, you’ll look back and see how time gradually shifted our lives, how you chose to live with denial, perhaps according to me, for something which was very simple for you. You always chose to say “nothing really happened and everything is fine!” “Fine” is a very easy invisible cloak to wear. You can quick- fix irreparable things with that “fine”, you don’t want to tell someone how you really are deep down, say a “fine”  and no further questions shall be asked, of course if you find someone connect with your heart in some ways, your “fine’s” will be caught like a click of a finger. So, the question to ask is       “how have you been living with this fine so far?” It certainly disturbs me, so share with me that easy acceptance that befell upon you and chose to elude me; share with me that potion you tasted and never told me about; share with me, will you? I guess, for a moment I forgot that sharing ceased to exist long time back, so much so that when somebody asks me what is it that we shared, words don’t come easy, all that comes within, is  a sense that whatever happened was not “right”; a feeling that I lost something I cannot name. 

There have been lots of feelings that well up now and then, I won’t name them, coz I feel it’s important that they are left to my own self like a pain that is sacred. This pain has a beauty even when it cringes; it brings back memories of the time when we were close, when the friendship we shared meant something to us. I still remember the beauty you’ve always carried within and I have blessed you for that in my moments. Yet, what makes it difficult to let go is that your honesty didn’t glisten like sunshine just when there were dark clouds at my end. Instead, it came as a storm rocking the boat, I thought, we were together in and just like that everything changed; we all know what happens with the silence after the storm passes by……….its deadening.

The 6 year old secret

The secret is out in the open. Interestingly, the parts which are open have been well thought of, before they were weaved into a yarn, the individual strands carried a strength and the capacity to be able to be interpreted in ways which were ‘felt’ to be right. 

The gaps between each writing have been long, guess the real world soon became worthy of living than the virtual one! The colours in the mandalas define the beauty that is with- in. Colouring in them is so addictive. A blank mandala is very inviting. It calls on you to make some meaning out of lines. The beauty is that it’s the colours which define them and who adds meaning to the colours? I’ll leave it for you to answer! 

The sound of the sufi music is enchanting and captivating. The notes mimic to the feeling with-in, akin to finding God in the form of love. In moments as graceful as these, even tears do not know how to express themselves. It is moments like these that we define as memories. Perhaps this is what mindfulness is all about. Being in the moment and truly feeling the quietness, stillness, calmness and the beauty enraptured with-in and with-out, with-in as an individual and with-out as a couple, the intra and the inter personal. 

The good we do has a way of coming back. The whole life is a mandala, isn’t it? A circle? And we are our own masters drawing and deleting and working and re-working on the space with-in, that which seems with- out, but is actually with-in us! 

Maybe my heart was yours

Much before I knew I gave it away

Maybe our strings were entangled

Much before my thread knew its say

If it was all worked out at the life’s own bay

What did the Sun have to do

By gleaming it’s powerful rays?

Maybe your words were waiting

For me to write and for you to read

Of all the writers and readers who ever read

On couches, sofas or their beds

What was it that I said

Which in many ways led?

Us to be like butter and bread

Two souls well fed

Being each other’s shed

On days as hot as red

Leading us only to be wed!

Mandalas coloured by me!

Wishing You Well

Aakriti:)

When "being" speaks to you ...

“Sometimes the choices we make do not speak of the rebellion we’ve been fighting with others at the surface level; they speak of having the knowledge we’ve always had, just that the enlightenment seems too blinding”

When one is used to “doing” all their life, “being” doesn’t comes so naturally. It calls for unlearning all the language you spent hours mastering and then expecting to forget it and start afresh. Additionally “being”, like always, never expects, it simply accepts and that is what it calls forth from within-you. That, my friend, is the most difficult part. It’s that part of you which whispers to you in your busiest of times and you very easily chide it off, like a fly which just interfered at the sight of your gorgeous meal. Yet, even as you choose to make it invisible, it stands there, waiting, not like a fly, but like a saint, for that’s what it knows. “Being” knows that it’s difficult for you to unlearn, to undo all that which the society expects you to do and follow. It accepts that unlearning shall take time, maybe even if it’s this lifetime. It accepts that there shall be innumerable falls than wins. It also knows that it takes true courage and determination to take a little look towards it because carving one’s own path requires passion, patience and valour. It knows you have all that in you, for if it was not the case, you wouldn’t have even talked about “being” that many times today. “Being” knows how you melt your self with the music of Piano Guys as you write this post; it knows how you saw the milk twirling with tea leaves into that pot of tea you made for yourself; it knows how amazed you were with the omelette you cooked for yourself which looked like one gorgeous delight, ready to dig your teeth into. It knows all this and more. It knows it’s not a fly to you, it’s a part of your conscious which as a matter of fact you often hide for reasons you are certainly not responsible. It often wonders why you embrace it and then leave it now and then. It ponders in your presence and also your absence. It’s there. Always. It knows how overwhelming it is for you. It’s alright. Sometimes we learn dysfunctional ways of adapting or governing in the environments that only bring pain; what’s more disconcerting is the knowledge of our whereabouts. It seems we cannot do anything about them, the truth is we can. All that we do need to do is to ‘try’ our ways out of those lessons which are now our habits. As they say, knowing is the first step. Maybe, just maybe, it’s okay to “let go” and simply “Be” because heavens have never fallen and neither will they unless we allow them to!

Happy Weekend Vanilla People!:)
Aakriti