Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Chapter 1~ Moments

Chapter 1.


It had been years since he had penned down a poem or for that matter even a prose.
As he sat down near the Central Lake with his college satchel lying on the bench, he looked at the stars above, and then quietly shifted his jet black eyes onto the lake, that which got lost in the beauty of the twilight, yet he could hear the ripples soothe his ears, for water was something that always comforted him.

All of a sudden his mind started forming a necklace of words, so gorgeous that it truly meant to be worn by his ladylove. It startled him for a few minutes, for in all these years, words had never come to his mind like melodies which come to a musician. It took him few moments to understand that it was actually his mind that was weaving this yarn of words. And so he accepted.

Like a swoosh of the wand, he took his satchel and ran back with all his might to his hostel bedroom. In that moment, it was as if the time had stopped, there were no onlookers, just he and his thoughts and the sparkly night.

He hurriedly opened his room, threw his bag on the bed, and quickly opened his laptop. And then began the polishing of the necklace his words had already made. He wrote them, simply effortlessly. It was a ‘moment’ in itself. There was this magic in that night, in that moon, and that silent lake that had imbued him completely, to the extent that it had become difficult for him to identify which was his ‘real’ self.

Words after words he created something, that which was spectacular in its own respect. It was not a frenzy, but more of a moment of enlightenment~ that which was ignited by the flame of love.

Next Day (Morning).

As he walked towards the lake, the sun seemed brighter, the sky more bluer, and the grass more greener, and he wondered if he had ever felt this way before. He held his feelings close to himself, like a keepsake to be cherished, for he knew they would mature in time. It wasn’t easy to describe his feelings in this moment. It was a beautiful chaos. He recalled reading Tom Barrett ‘s quote :

Chaos in the world brings uneasiness, but it also allows the opportunity for creativity and growth”.

And this brought a sweet smile on his already bright face. Just then he felt a fragile hand on his shoulder, as if someone wanted to talk to him. But he was so engrossed in the world of his thoughts which now seemed to have a world of their own. “A world inside a world? He thought, “That would be an experience to live in.”
Halooooo?? You listening? I’ve been calling out your name since a few minutes, did you just switch of your ears, or even your mind?” ringed a melodious voice in his ears.
Oh! Sorry, what did you just say?”
“Great! Now you can hear me, but still can’t hear me!?”
“ Umm..sorry! Shall we move?”
“Yeah, what are you waiting for? I might get late for my class, you anyways seem so lost today. Do you think your mind will be able to take in all that calculus you keep learning about?”

She had a point. He looked at her amazed. How did she know what had happened to him. He didn’t even make a mention about the previous night, nor did he express his feelings of today’s morning to her. This kind of perplexed him.

She waved her hand full of bright funky bangles in front of his face.
“Why don’t you just sit there near the Lake and get lost the entire day?”
“I’d rather get lost with you” he replied.

 And even before he realized what he uttered he turned back and ran far away, leaving her even more bewildered about his ‘lost-ness’. 

PS: To share with my Vanilla people...as I started writing this, I saw a potential in it to become a book...if all goes well and my fantasies as well as imaginations blossom itno beautiful flowers, who knows it might become a book..do leave ur valuable thoughts in here:) I'll be more than glad to receive them. Doesn't matter if they are  critical even:)


Rahul said...

Loved the flow.Breezy and smooth.
I think if you work on those dialogues a bit more,we will soon have a beautiful book to read!!!!:-)

Rahul said...

I personally don't prefer Hinglish!:-) But I'm sure a lot of people do.So it's totally your call actually.However,one thing is-your English narrative is pretty good.Introducing Hinglish into it might ..umm..u know...disrupt the narrative.
And I try to introduce a little bit of humor into my dialogues and writings occasionally.You could try that.It immediately makes the story crispier.The dialogues more catchy.Whether u're reading a story or watching a muvi,u need dialogues which kinda seem fresh and interesting.So a lil bit of thought needs to go into dialogue writing.
Also I noticed you are a Psychology student.So I hope to see some multi-layered treatment of characters,their thoughts and motivations in your story.:-) Put ur psychology skills to good use here.

Rahul said...

Altho it might seem a bit too soon to make such a statement,I think as a writer you feel more comfortable dealing with the world of thoughts rather than speech.:-) But a good story needs speech-ample doses of it.So focus on that.Watch some movies.Read some books.Try to pick on the themes and ideas which you think you can use in your own stories......best of luck...

Kunal said...

Here He is very much like you..I think...more in conversation with the surroundings and expressing it in words...rather than actions...Was it a conscious decision?

Ques - Since he had not penned down a poem or a prose for a long time, what happened today? What triggered his thoughts?

Another ques is very obvious as to why he didn't penned down anything for a long time..but I know...you have this answer already...and may be revealed in the upcoming chapters.

I hope...you have many twists and turns up your sleeve, because..this chapter has ended in very open way :)

And yes...I 'concur' with Rahul that dialogues have to be spot on and interesting at the same time..May be..trying multiple interactions between the same characters can be of help..as in how many different ways two characters can talk and then decide...which one seem best.

Good Luck :)

Aakriti said...

woaaa...thnks a toone Rahul. I'll be very honest, when it comes to accepting critical comments, though one says that 'Im free to have them' it's only when they start pouring in do u feel a lil bitter..but you and Kunal, just dissolve that bitterness as soon as it arises, n thnks a lot for that:). I havent written many stories. This is perhaps one of my first few attempts. I've been much into poetry, that comes naturally to me..and yeah some articles or general reflections over things. Well.. right now all I know of is that I'm too busy with many a things at my "study front"..but yes, the more we write, the better we get;) and the psychological layers u toking abt...woaa!! I can bring that in poetry again:P...told...ya m a novice in story writing!

Aakriti said...

and yes Rahul...I think u pointed it bang on!! I do guess m more comfortable with "thoughts" than speech..and well somehow to get the narrative going, ofcourse we need dialogues, else its just the mind or the narrator who is speaking, but as I'm writing this, I think penning own something totally from a "narrator's perspective" too could be a good idea,,what do u think? Have u ever come across something that has essentially been spoken and written just from the narrator's perspective?:)

Kunal said...

I can remember this book - "The Unbearable Lightness of Being"..which I can think is from narrator's perspective. It has psychological and philosophical undercurrents...

MyKitchen Flavors-BonAppetit!. said...

Supergood,luvd reading ur breezy blow of narrative writing.Interesting post.

Rahul said...

@Aakriti I have the same problem as you!!!I just can't seem to come up with dialogues which are good enuf!!:-(
//I think penning own something totally from a "narrator's perspective" too could be a good idea,,what do u think?
I think it could be cool.Your choice of words and strong narration makes for a fast and effortless reading."narrator's perspective" works really well when the narrator is part of the story....It might work in other situations too.:-) Maybe you can show me how.
// Have u ever come across something that has essentially been spoken and written just from the narrator's perspective?
Yup.I have written a couple of stories like that myself.:-)

Priyanka Kamath said...

This is a very, very nice post :)

You are a very interesting fiction writer :)

I'd be the first one to buy your book if someday, you write one :)

Aakriti said...

@Bon Apetit: thnk u so much..it's one of my first attempts at writing a story:P

Aakriti said...

Hey Rahul...thnks for discussing at length..:P..lol..haha it seems we can't get enough of the whole "writing- a short- story" convo...;)well..do share some of ur posts then:)

Aakriti said...

@ Priyanka: That's very kind of you to say that. Well.. as far as publishing goes, I'd be more confident with getting my poetry published first...writing a book in my name seems too distant to me, coz m a beginner in story writing:P

Aakriti said...

@ Kunal:Hmmm...well I think all these things will get incorporated in time..as for the answers of ur questions..I do hope they get answered as well..in time..:):) as of now after a wait of two months..I share the next chapter:)

You may also like:)

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...