To be or NOT to be

This time it all seems very hard.

This time I’m scared, for things the future in stores.

This time though I’m given hope, it all seems a distant dream.

This time, I’m pushing myself way too hard,

To answer the questions which my mind seeks.

This time self- doubt is where I reach,

Every time a hurdle blocks me,

This time, in phases,

I’m acting too pessimistic,

A part may/ may not be of me.

This time

I do not know,

If I wish to pause or really (ahead) go?

This time I wish to cry,

For no one but my ‘self’ , a sigh.

This time, I’m acting so weak,

Those ready to give me strength, which I perhaps seek.

This time the end seems far,

I continue to walk, a taste bitter and sour.

This time, my emotions pull me down,

No matter how I try to recoup,

They laugh at me like a clown,

This time, I wish to fight all odds,

Give me a magic wand, to make this all stop!