We don’t give ourselves what we need the most

We’ve all been at points in life where the situation or event felt like nothing but a downfall. The tears, the wincing pain, felt like a sword being struck in flesh, yet we didn’t die. It felt like a near death experience: the anxiety was too much to take, the despair was haunting, the memories were a menace. At times, we wanted to stay in a cave and never see the light of the day, on other days, even as we saw the light, we lived like a living dead or perhaps trying to live but unable to find any meaning. In all such moments, we never gave ourselves what we needed the most: love and kindness.

I wonder where on on the path of growing we forget that very basic trait that we were born with. Where did the loving and kind voice vanish, as we were being raised or our parents were being raised by their parents and our grandparents by theirs? There must have been a point where it all started, right? Yet, the beauty is, that just like a plant finds even a ray of sunshine to be born, the love and kindness still stays. The plant (we) , like a gentle climber offers hope and solace to our loved one, through letters, postcards, mails, phone calls, skype chats and in some rare beautiful moments, in person deep conversations. However, when the misery strikes upon us, which it so often does, we forget taking out that shrug of loving and kindness which we always offered to others. We, mercilessly berate ourselves, almost like beating a little child with a whip. We question, criticize and for the use of a correct word “dehumanize” ourselves. We raise our standards so high, that we forget “to err is human”.  A recent research states that when an emotional state rises in us, after the initial intiation, it is our constant thoughts that keep the emotion going. In other words, if you wish to modify your emotion, which comes with such a high intensity, then watch your thoughts! I found this finding beautiful and intriguing. It reaches us to the very solution of a misery , we definitely do not deserve to put ourselves in. 

Witnessing the act of offering the self with love and kindness is not only brave but also human. Loving kindness meditation is such a powerful tool to cleanse your body, mind and heart of all the baggage your thoughts make you carry. Kristin Neff, in her book Self Compassion, writes that in moments of suffering, we humans have a tendency to focus so much on ourselves that we forget that everyone in this world suffers.  Thus, instead of connecting with our social group, which will help us rise and overcome the suffering, we further seclude ourselves, only leading to more despair. 

In a world where competition, individualisation, success and running are the tools to survive, the foundation stone has to be loving and kindness, for if we keep running this mad race, we not only lose us but the greater human potential to tasks which will “superficially” be gratifying yet hollow in terms of a meaningful life. 

Let’s give ourselves the gift of our own love and kindness. It does wonders. Believe me on that, and if that is a tad bit difficult, then I have research to my backing:) 

May you be safe

May you be peaceful

May you be at ease

May you accept yourself as you are 

 

Love

Aakriti 

Giving away some love and kindness your way in this link .