We don’t give ourselves what we need the most

We’ve all been at points in life where the situation or event felt like nothing but a downfall. The tears, the wincing pain, felt like a sword being struck in flesh, yet we didn’t die. It felt like a near death experience: the anxiety was too much to take, the despair was haunting, the memories were a menace. At times, we wanted to stay in a cave and never see the light of the day, on other days, even as we saw the light, we lived like a living dead or perhaps trying to live but unable to find any meaning. In all such moments, we never gave ourselves what we needed the most: love and kindness.

I wonder where on on the path of growing we forget that very basic trait that we were born with. Where did the loving and kind voice vanish, as we were being raised or our parents were being raised by their parents and our grandparents by theirs? There must have been a point where it all started, right? Yet, the beauty is, that just like a plant finds even a ray of sunshine to be born, the love and kindness still stays. The plant (we) , like a gentle climber offers hope and solace to our loved one, through letters, postcards, mails, phone calls, skype chats and in some rare beautiful moments, in person deep conversations. However, when the misery strikes upon us, which it so often does, we forget taking out that shrug of loving and kindness which we always offered to others. We, mercilessly berate ourselves, almost like beating a little child with a whip. We question, criticize and for the use of a correct word “dehumanize” ourselves. We raise our standards so high, that we forget “to err is human”.  A recent research states that when an emotional state rises in us, after the initial intiation, it is our constant thoughts that keep the emotion going. In other words, if you wish to modify your emotion, which comes with such a high intensity, then watch your thoughts! I found this finding beautiful and intriguing. It reaches us to the very solution of a misery , we definitely do not deserve to put ourselves in. 

Witnessing the act of offering the self with love and kindness is not only brave but also human. Loving kindness meditation is such a powerful tool to cleanse your body, mind and heart of all the baggage your thoughts make you carry. Kristin Neff, in her book Self Compassion, writes that in moments of suffering, we humans have a tendency to focus so much on ourselves that we forget that everyone in this world suffers.  Thus, instead of connecting with our social group, which will help us rise and overcome the suffering, we further seclude ourselves, only leading to more despair. 

In a world where competition, individualisation, success and running are the tools to survive, the foundation stone has to be loving and kindness, for if we keep running this mad race, we not only lose us but the greater human potential to tasks which will “superficially” be gratifying yet hollow in terms of a meaningful life. 

Let’s give ourselves the gift of our own love and kindness. It does wonders. Believe me on that, and if that is a tad bit difficult, then I have research to my backing:) 

May you be safe

May you be peaceful

May you be at ease

May you accept yourself as you are 

 

Love

Aakriti 

Giving away some love and kindness your way in this link .

Some day

One day, whenever that comes, you’ll look back and see how time gradually shifted our lives, how you chose to live with denial, perhaps according to me, for something which was very simple for you. You always chose to say “nothing really happened and everything is fine!” “Fine” is a very easy invisible cloak to wear. You can quick- fix irreparable things with that “fine”, you don’t want to tell someone how you really are deep down, say a “fine”  and no further questions shall be asked, of course if you find someone connect with your heart in some ways, your “fine’s” will be caught like a click of a finger. So, the question to ask is       “how have you been living with this fine so far?” It certainly disturbs me, so share with me that easy acceptance that befell upon you and chose to elude me; share with me that potion you tasted and never told me about; share with me, will you? I guess, for a moment I forgot that sharing ceased to exist long time back, so much so that when somebody asks me what is it that we shared, words don’t come easy, all that comes within, is  a sense that whatever happened was not “right”; a feeling that I lost something I cannot name. 

There have been lots of feelings that well up now and then, I won’t name them, coz I feel it’s important that they are left to my own self like a pain that is sacred. This pain has a beauty even when it cringes; it brings back memories of the time when we were close, when the friendship we shared meant something to us. I still remember the beauty you’ve always carried within and I have blessed you for that in my moments. Yet, what makes it difficult to let go is that your honesty didn’t glisten like sunshine just when there were dark clouds at my end. Instead, it came as a storm rocking the boat, I thought, we were together in and just like that everything changed; we all know what happens with the silence after the storm passes by……….its deadening.

6 reasons why Borobudur should be on your bucket list

The Grand Borobudur temple from the base level

1. A Marvel in Itself: The world’s largest Buddhist Temple speaks volumes for its grandeur yet humility. The magnolithic structure is a sight your eyes would like to soak themselves in, not a for a minute or two but for hours together. Me and my Love got so fascinated that we took three trips to the top, all on different days, to soak every bit of it in!

2.The Mystery in the History: What is exciting about this Grand Buddhist Temple is that no one really knows who built this marvel. It is all estimated back to the 8^th century, with only hypothetical guesses made from the artefacts collected. 

      3. Beyond a place of worship: While Buddhist practitioners consider this a temple of great reverence, its beauty lies in the way it has been built. It teaches life, for that’s how the levels go up with the top most representing Nirvana and the lower most showing the human to be enveloped among lowly things like gossiping, anger etc.

       
      4.  An architectural delight: A view from the below and a view from the top, both will leave you inspired. The mandala shaped temple has four entrances each from north, east, south and west. Every level opens up to you as you move up, Its like layers of a flower, very deceptive from down bottom, it just showcases it’s beauty as you move up.

     
       5.The strength of the monument: The history of this monument goes back to the days when it was completely under the volcanic dust, for decades no one knew of it’s existence, until one day when it was found! On the other hand, there has been restoration work, which continues till date. Despite of which all, the monument is nothing but a symbol of immense strength.

          6.  A Dip in the past: Lastly, if for nothing else, go take a dip in the past, it took some 75 years for this grandeur to come together! 75 years! Woaa. 

            

view from the top! picture credits: Kunal

      More coming up from our trip to Borobudur and Yogyakarta and why these places deserve a visit!:) Keep looking out for this place! 

       Till then, Stay humble and grounded!

May-BE

May be it’s a repetitive pattern of sorts. Or may be it’s the overthinking brain that says that. Or maybe it actually is, who knows? 

What we believe in or do not believe in is influenced by all our previous years of existence, how then are we supposed to find out what “messed” us up in good or bad ways? And what may be good for me may be bad for you? So where do we really meet? Do we meet like the sun meets the vast limitless ocean at the horizon? A place where we “feel” that they are meeting but it is only just a realistic fantasy! 

One question leads to another and before we know it the session hour comes to an end with both the client and the therapist feeling something about the session. One may think it was a fantastic session and the other may just feel a little more broken and torn apart, yet term it “overwhelmed”, a word she uses for both exciting experiences and ravenous ones too! It’s interesting, isn’t it, how one word means both good and bad? If that can be true for just a word, then what about people and their experiences? 

 

Then there suddenly pops up the colour gray, denoting in its presence all that lies in- between the shades of black and white, a place where the so called ‘good’ and the so called’ black’ simply merge together, making an all- encompassing being. Now you may call that being a human/ a heart or even a mind. Ah! The workings! 

The writings of a solemn mood are different. They make you question everything. While it may be ‘good’ in some areas but what happens when you begin to question everything, deeming your existence a big question mark!? See, how easily we put things into the ‘good’ and the ‘ bad’, never really letting the experiences be? Perhaps one reason is the discomfort some experiences lead to and that leads us to evading them, sweeping so much under the carpet, until one day the carpet rises to be a mountain! 

If you are thinking what I just wrote was in a melancholic frame of a mind, I’ll say        “ maybe/ maybe not”. You might then respond by saying that it is either a yes or a no. I’ll then say “ What if I’m currently living in the world of maybe’s? Isn’t that what the gray is all about? A place where the good and the bad meet, giving me a possibility of the both? You might then reply “ It’s a dull colour nonetheless, right? And then I’ll scoff at you, thinking what might be dull for you may be bright for me! But then what about the majority? What about the other colours on the spectrum? What shall you say to them or call them if gray is your brightest colour? Well, how about not naming them anything for once? Really? That’s absurd! Indeed it is! For sometimes we forget that name calling things and experiences becomes so innate in us, that we forget just letting them be! We forget just letting them be!

The Blessings of Borobudur

 

There’s a Borobudur

You do not know

There’s a Borobudur

You may never know

For the words you read

Are not your experience

And the pictures you see

Are not your visions

The praises your hear

Are not your sounds

So my dear,

If the place calls you

Give it a visit

For a sight of pilgrimage

Deserves all the reverence

A sight of grand marvel

Deserves all the awe

But Borobudur is different

In all the respects

It calls you to enter

Your very own world

Layers of unwrapping

Peeling of the dead skins

You call it an architectural endeavour?

I call it a Blessing

Watch out for this space to know more about my trip to Yogyakarta, Indonesia:)