Tuesday, August 30, 2011

What’s with boys and emotions?

What’s with boys and emotions?

Note: Before you read this post, let me tell you that I would not wish to generalise anything that I write here. It includes my own experience and hearsays from my other girl friends. I would like to believe that there are exceptions, and perhaps because of the same reason we have some great Men writers who understand not only what a woman is ‘probably’ ( because knowing women can never come to an end!;)all about, but more so understand that any kind of a relationship involves a lot of complexity!

 It saddens me when I see boys running away from ‘emotional’ topics. When mothers say to their growing young boy toddlers“Why are you crying like a girl?” ; just then gets closed the door of that vast range of emotions even before it could have got an opening. So while even research studies say that boys are good in Spatial Intelligence and Mathematical abilities and girls are good in verbal and literary abilities, surely this points to the kind of exposure both boys and girls get in their growing years.

This reminds me of the scene from “Jane Tu” where Imran Khan cries. And that is something unusual for sure. Guys might find it weird, but as a girl I would also like to say that that a guy who cries doesn't becomes effeminate if he sheds his tears.

Why this whole issue of being masculine and strong associated with stringent control over your emotions?  Now you may say that while it was ‘a given’ that girls had to be sensitive, fragile and all emotional and guys, on the contrary, physically strong and all rough and tough ( both in and out), yet the whole aspect of ‘hiding emotions’ and / or refraining from talking about them is something I find very weird.

Perhaps that is why they say that girls are great emotional healers. Talks can work best with girls. And I’m sure guys get scared when girls tell them ‘We need to talk’. ! Ha! And now I’m just thinking that if only guys could talk as well as be good listeners ( Yeah..I know they would rather keep quiet, hear it all, than utter things which might have adverse effects, and it stands true for many occasions as well). And then there goes a whole chapter in the book ‘Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars’.

And this is where I come to appreciate guys or men who write, who express. I’m just wondering if these men are ‘chatter boxes’ as well? Or all the talking that they do is in their writing? Any ways it might be, at least they are expressing through some means!

You know why not many men go for therapies? Because they do not know what and how to speak! They have a lot inside, a storehouse of things they have dumped in their unconscious ( in psychoanalytic terms – repressed) and because of the precise reason that they haven’t expressed all these years, they find it hard to imagine engaging in a ‘therapeutic alliance’ that involves a ‘talking cure’ ( which Freud did with his patients)

Well that’s all I have to say today…All I wish is if talking (read: meaningful talk, not gossiping) and expression could be an asset to guys as it is to girls.

PS: I do not in any way mean that they Don't  express AT ALL.They might do...but when it comes to finding solutions to matters through talking or answering questions that might apparently seem 'emotional' all we get is silence!


Subhrashis Adhikari said...

i don't do much talking...but my wife says i express more with my eyes and she somehow understands that language...:)
but i do try to make up my lack of words with my open ears :)

nice post


Aakriti said...

@ Sub: That is so sweet:) well u know what when silences speak for themselves and they are understood well...that's when you know the bond is 'magical':)I'm so glad for u and ur wife! God Bless

Kunal said...

Thank you for saying before hand that you do not wish to generalize this :)

I can not speak for others..but in my case, it is very difficult or rather say not easy to show my emotions like sadness, crying, being upset publicly..every time for everything...but emotions of the positive kind come away on the surface easily...and men cry too...but it takes a lot to hurt us so bad..and may be displaying emotion and crying does not come natural to us because..we analyze things looking for a solution to the problem and sitting on it and making a fuss over it by crying is not our first reaction. And just for the record, I may not be the first to initiate a emotional talk...but then..I will not be the first to run away from it either :)

Aakriti said...

@ Kunal: thanks u for an honest comment. I really appreciate it. and I believe there is 'truth' when u say that it takes a lot to hurt you guys...and yes. another thing being unlike girls you gusy would rather think 'rationally' and practically i.e. from HEAD than from 'HEART' like girls do..and here is where I could say that we have something to learn from you:)...and that's great if you won't run away from such talks!!:) Your future wife to be shall be happy;)haha

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