The want to be with my ‘self’

It dawned on me today, how it feels when no one is around you. You feel low for certain reasons, but the reasons do not oblige you by giving the answers you have been looking for. You feel as if there is this vacuum in and around you, and all that you can make sense out of it comes in the form of conversations which appear fake, which do not touch you the way you thought they would.

Being comfortable with silence is the most hard thing to do, for it requires understanding and respecting oneself, which often we do not do. My best friend told me that after being hurt by almost everyone in her college, a time came in her life, when she stopped bothering about people and things. So to cheer up her low moods and herself, she would go alone, indulge in some retail therapy or simply go to Mc Donalds and have a burger all by herself!! Yes ‘alone’! I was shocked and amazed at her boldness.

I thought of doing this today, since I had no one to give me company or talk to, but during that process, I realized that it requires a lot of courage to do that. That which my friend somehow gathered, that which time taught her to do!

One valuable thing which I’ll remember forever, which she shared with me is that ‘make yourself so comfortable and so sufficient that you need no one to make you happy, not even me, so, if, a day comes when you need someone you yourself are capable enough to bring a smile on your face’. Such lessons take time to learn, and I’m still in the process of learning them. I believe that someday I can reach this position.

My thoughts lead me to a question, that why is it so difficult for us to be with ‘ourselves’? Why do we need music, tv, movies, for that matter talks with people or friends to fill that space? We deliberately indulge in all such things (a defense mechanism) to escape that even one single moment of silence which gets created when we are with ourselves. And that is supposed to be enjoyed and cherished.

Some people make it so hard for themselves that even in their sleep, thoughts and worries about their relations with others etc. haunts them, hence, leaving them with no peace at all.

The calmness, the patience with which my grandparents nurtured me, is hardly to be seen in these days. With a fast paced life, we all have become habitual enough, to continuously speak, act or work in ways, which does not leave a moment of reflection or thought. I think, that is where it becomes hard to retrospect, to peep inside our own selves.

Fortunately, I’m glad that I’m in touch with my ‘inner’ being, my emotions which for long time have perplexed me and perhaps will continue to do so in future too. I’m glad, that I have the ability to express myself, to tell the world that this is what it is. And though like many others, I’m not perfect either, yet the space to be with my ‘self’ is enriching.

PS: I also realized that nothing can be safer and comfortable than our own home. Home is where the heart is, home is where we live, home is where we may not be at our best, and perhaps that is why it is the best!! Think of this home as your ‘inner self’ where you are not at your best, yet it is all accepting!

With this thought I bid adieu!!

VOID

The vacuum inside me,

I feel so blank and ignored,

The life around me,

Moves fast, a long way to go.

The love that calls me,

Is pure, romantic, but empty,

A voice that beckons me,

A happy transient fantasy.

I’ll go back in an era,

Or a cave of sheer darkness,

That which enlivens my spirit,

My soul, my spirit, my identity.

And if you ever wonder,

Or perhaps, out of care, concern,

Let me be in that space of mine,

Where silence speaks than be taciturn.

Sense and Non sense

I have been reviewing past one semester on the readings which are given to us, in my Masters Pro gramme. Though initially it was a boring job, later only turning out to be monotonous, I'm glad that this semester we get to read Philosophy, and 'reflect' on what philosophers wrote, and because of that the word review has been now changed to 'reflections':)

Often many of us have wondered, what is is that caught the attention of the philosophers? that all they do is babble in a language not only hard to understand, but harder to hear. However that is not the case. This is a piece I wrote reflecting on a chapter written by Bryan Magee titled "Sense and Nonsense". Go ahead...take a look. Who knows, it might just make a lot of sense to you....:)

The question of the ‘sense’ and the ‘nonsense’ in Philosophy as put forth by Bryan Magee, itself seems like a philosophical surge to seek an answer to a problem or perhaps a notion that has been associated with philosophy since decades or so.

The question that ‘what’ philosophers write and the ‘way’ they write, does it make sense at all? Not only to those in the profession, but to those outside it? And the innumerable questions they raise about the ways of life etc. are they relevant to ‘us’ humans in any ways?

More often than not philosophy as a subject and a field has been considered akin to something that is ‘complex’ and incomprehensible. While all philosophers do not fall in this bracket, but the reason, that many do makes philosophy a seemingly or perhaps ‘actually’ a ‘difficult’ subject to make sense of, and comprehend for students and many others. However, as Magee says, there were philosophers like Bertrand Russell, Austin, Moore, who did made an impact both within and outside the field of philosophy by their style of writing and more significantly by the clarity of thoughts which they penned down on paper.

The author presents to us two critical thoughts as far as the matter of ‘clarity or complexity in writing style’ is in philosophy. One, where he quotes Weisse when he justifies the much critical lack of clarity in his writing style by contending that the deepest problems of the human spirit could not be solved for the benefit of the mob. On the other hand where he says that philosophers want to portray themselves as individuals who are ‘clever’ and these they very well reflect in their writing style. Weiss’s justification can be questioned, as it itself raises a question against the value of philosophy as a discipline, when he says ‘that the deepest problems cannot be solved for the benefit of the mob’. Certainly, many people do think of philosophy as a useless discipline not contributing to the mankind the way the natural sciences do, but this is not to negate the ‘human’ qualities we essentially possess today and the evolved mind of ours, all thanks to the questions raised on many matters, which our ancestors indulged in.

The author further tells the readers that many philosophers are intentionally unclear, for they fear that their popularity or the reputation of a philosopher might undergo a drastic change lest they be clear. Thus in order to show that ‘they’ have gained mastery over some (difficult) aspect that bothered the human race since time unknown, what they engage in is in a style of writing that comes to be far more complex than the thought is.

Magee makes a profound impact in this essay of his when he reaches out to the readers sharing with them what truly an impressive style of writing is. He tells us that it is not something that is obscure, and creates a mist in the thoughts and the minds of the readers that counts to be as ‘rich’ in philosophy, but that which is simple and clear, for the clarity is what reaches out to people, and instead of undermining a philosopher’s position rather creates more respect. The reason being, that the philosophers’ thought then reaches out to the masses in a way that is understandable and makes an impact for itself. His thought may ignite many more thoughts in ways which can lead to any kind of a change unknown to the philosopher himself!

Many a time’s beginners in the art of writing have this misperception that ‘only’ the writing or the writers who use an excellent vocabulary or a heavy language are ‘good’ writers. But the points which Magee makes the readers come across are substantive and reasonable enough. He makes his point, in a clear, precise and in an extremely effective way. This is to say, then, that it is not being vague or obscure that counts, for it only adds to the confusion. What matters is the clarity and the lucidity of the thought and the way it is expressed in writing, as the impact which a clear mind makes is far more powerful than a complex one!

Language of Silence

In a silence so silent,

Where a hug speaks a thousand words,

In a silence so silent,

Where tear drops flow like pearls,

In a silence so silent,

Where the pain gets washed away,

In a silence so silent,

Where fear and dread together sway,

In a silence so silent,

Where memories flashback on you,

In a silence so silent,

Where darkness is a heaven for you,

In a silence so silent,

When you wish to escape from everything mad,

In a silence so silent,

Where the quietness feels bliss,

Where the language speaks silently,

Where two hearts gently kiss,

In a silence, where I live,

You’ll be there along?

On the bench, we’ll sit together,

And silently sing ‘our’ song!

All for my love……

Before you start cooking and frying the ingredients of your thoughts, let me clear all the airs in your head. No, really!! Don’t worry, the day I shall fall in ‘that’ kind of love, you’ll know it for sure…umm, or perhaps may be not!!!;)..You see ‘mystery is what keeps the flame alive’!!:)

Ever since my blog got a makeover, I feel as if I’ve had one too; though in which way, it’s hard to point out. But I do feel alive, in ‘love’ and ecstatic.

Had my blog been a person, I would have hugged her soooooo tightly, given her ‘puchhhhis’, shopped for her, would make personalized gifts for her, the way I treat my special friends! But the fact is that it’s all ‘virtual’. However, this virtuality in no ways brings my spirit down, coz I do have real and best friends to share my life stories with, in addition I have a ‘tangible’ friend, my diary named HOPE!!:)

All this and many more special moments which happen on a daily basis keep my spirit alive.

I dunno, if you noticed or not, why I chose to call my blog ‘her’ and not ‘him’. This came as a tiny miny surprise to me too. On a second thought may be coz I’d like that him to be ‘real’ and not virtual!! (Yeah….you see..You can make all the ‘Oooh!! Aah!!’ noises if you want to now;)

I’ll try not to digress, for I do tend to with the umpteen numbers of links that start to form once I start writing.

To my love…..perhaps my very first. ( it’s not my blog:p….it’s something else! I haven’t yet revealed it, and what made you so sure?:)

Your power, oh! So magical,

It makes me on seventh heaven sway,

Your beauty, so breath-taking,

It takes my heart away,

Your love for me knows no bounds,

You seem right here, even if far away,

Just be here, listen as you do,

For my love reaches you in every way!!