One day, whenever that comes, you’ll look back and see how time gradually shifted our lives, how you chose to live with denial, perhaps according to me, for something which was very simple for you. You always chose to say “nothing really happened and everything is fine!” “Fine” is a very easy invisible cloak to wear. You can quick- fix irreparable things with that “fine”, you don’t want to tell someone how you really are deep down, say a “fine” and no further questions shall be asked, of course if you find someone connect with your heart in some ways, your “fine’s” will be caught like a click of a finger. So, the question to ask is “how have you been living with this fine so far?” It certainly disturbs me, so share with me that easy acceptance that befell upon you and chose to elude me; share with me that potion you tasted and never told me about; share with me, will you? I guess, for a moment I forgot that sharing ceased to exist long time back, so much so that when somebody asks me what is it that we shared, words don’t come easy, all that comes within, is a sense that whatever happened was not “right”; a feeling that I lost something I cannot name.
There have been lots of feelings that well up now and then, I won’t name them, coz I feel it’s important that they are left to my own self like a pain that is sacred. This pain has a beauty even when it cringes; it brings back memories of the time when we were close, when the friendship we shared meant something to us. I still remember the beauty you’ve always carried within and I have blessed you for that in my moments. Yet, what makes it difficult to let go is that your honesty didn’t glisten like sunshine just when there were dark clouds at my end. Instead, it came as a storm rocking the boat, I thought, we were together in and just like that everything changed; we all know what happens with the silence after the storm passes by……….its deadening.