As I look back now, growing up in
the toddler years meant forgetting a thing called separation anxiety and being brave to go out with your head held
high to the school where our rest of the years would be spent. I still remember
crying like a small baby when my younger brother went to ‘the big school’. He
didn’t cry but I did.
Growing up in school meant socialising,
making friends and telling them that my mommy and daddy are nah! Not best but the best! It meant walking in a line
for assembly, getting enamoured with eyes and voices and inanimate objects and
thinking together how fascinating the adult worlds were. It meant punishments
and rewards and a world where lots of ‘no’s’ and ‘yes’s’ existed. It was almost
like Yes and No had become invisible
people who were extremely important.
Then came the teen years, where
growing up was of a different kind. One wondered how some boys were smaller
than girls in class eight and suddenly got stretched in class nine?!! One saw
bodies changing, pimples on faces that were clean and clear a year back. One
heard ‘hush hush’ whispers. Rumours would be spread of someone having said ‘I
love you’ to a girl and what not. Suddenly cute looking boys became more
interesting, how come that never happened before? Yet the Chicken Soup for the
Teen Soul series seemed more apt for the West than ‘our culture’. Growing up
then also meant coming back home with the house key and giving food to your
younger bro.
Then came the High School where ‘We were the Senior most’. The world,
even as it revolved around studies, had a lot happening. Boys and girls would
be called to the Princy’s office for God knows what. Every boy and girl that
roamed around together would be tagged to be in a relationship. This heart kept
the crushes for fear of rumours. The mind worked well for who was interested in
some lame relationships? Yet this heart accepted and soothed pained tears of
friend’s broken relationships. For years long this heart never understood the
complexity of the phase called ‘being in
love’; was it that complex? May be, just like 11th Grade Trigo
was!
Bachelors was another stepping
stone. There I was imagining pursuing my subject in a co-ed college, sigh, they
were none. It’s indeed surprise how life moves/runs/stops. When it does, it
takes a while to get in sync with the pace, for you know you were walking as
she was sailing. Studying in a hot girl’s college meant posh chauffeur driven
cars and girls entering college with clutches and hot pants. The mind wondered
if the girls were here for clubbing?! The level of studies increased. Looking
back, the basic skills for life were gained then. This was also the time of
leaving behind school buddies and looking forward to make new pals. Groups got
formed, that of nerds, chilled out people, elite people and well rest I don’t
remember.
The Masters called for an entrance
exam. This mind only wonders the courage it took to leave a clichéd good
university to get into a newly born university. Wow!!pat on the back! That was one Masters Program! The mind’s
level increased. It studied Philosophy and got enamoured this time by the way
those Great men thought. Growing up meant looking into your unconscious and
realising the vast depth that lay in the mind and not only in the Sea. These
years saw best buds getting into relationships and heart feeling immensely glad
for them. It also meant waiting for dreams to get fulfilled of lovely blossomed
roses and career that was yet in waiting.
Masters finished and the lil tiny
foots then which had grown with years finally took some steps out in the world.
Times went chasing, howling, cribbing, with moments of monotony of life that
only felt dull and lifeless than anything. The life had come to a halt. The
depressive halt moved gradually. When life stops, the air stops. The earth
moves yet we are at halt. Not a single thing seems exciting for why would it,
as others move your clock doesn’t tick tock!
And as the wind of the years long
gone
Blows by my face today
I wonder, Oh Lord
How delightful has been life’s
ways
Here am I, spending time with
Life
She is beautiful to the core
Her magnanimous and magical rays
Now life is not about people
For the special loved ones
are intact
It’s about leading oneself ahead
Loving the self I have
Growing up evolves
Tears and laughs change
For reasons then seem petty now
Yet not so petty to forget……
