There’s a beauty in resting which we don’t always see
There’s a beauty in silence which we don’t always hear
There’s a beauty within us which often doesn’t judges
There’s a depth waiting to be delved into, only if we set ourselves free
I miss him; every bit of him. No, I never got to know him personally, but whatever I did made me fall head over heels for him. His humour, his tears, his expressions, his flawless screen presence and oh that smile. Every character he played was a real person somewhere. I wouldn’t call it “acting” for he would become that character. So beautifully would he merge himself that the boundaries seemed invisible. Then I wonder “Why did he do what he did?” As I write, I ask myself “Is taking one’s own death the answer to all the anguish one feels? Is that one switch that shall set everything free?” A part of me stands in affirmative, the other feels pained for it knows how difficult depression can be. It’s not just “get up and feel better”! Ah! You wish it was that easy! The meaning of illnesses often goes beyond their phenomenology. It’s a key to the past, for what happened and sometimes, also for what not happened. It’s grieving for the losses and mourning for the traumas (that which may not always be ‘big’ events). It’s a whirlpool of emotions that even emotions may not fathom.
Then some ask “What about the feeling of emptiness?” and I say “ Don’t we all have a space in our hearts that longs for something? That some “thing” which may not actually be a thing, but a moment, perhaps, or an event or a person or an interaction or a scenic landscape or simply observing someone be happy? Maybe, just, maybe, there’s a reason why that space stays empty for everyone. Something which cannot be filled so easily has to mean a lot more than the space it creates in the heart or the soul. To me it feels that it’s a symbol of the lives we have lived. More so, it’s like the empty spaces of every human being all go back to this one giant ball of thread where we all emerged from. The question now lies in the fact, what do you do with it? I say, let it just be. Just because we live in a world that continues “to do” something in no way means that’s the solution to everything. Sometimes, “being” is where the answer lies.
As for him, I will miss him every time I see him. Today I saw him as Patch Adams. Like always, he took my heart away and whatever was left off melted away.
Mrs. Aakriti ( with effect from 18th April 2016)